Swine Flu outbreak in Drogheda....

And this man is to blame.

Fresh from their success in the recent local elections over the weekend, The Labour Party was rocked by scandal after news emerged that Drogheda Councillor Paul Bell was the sole cause of an outbreak of Swine Flu in the town.

A source close to the councillor said that Cllr. Paul Bell had contracted the disease after eating 158 hotdogs in one sitting at a recent Drogheda Arts Fair. “I told him not to do it,” said the source, “everyone knows that hotdogs are made from lips and assholes, but he wouldn’t hear tell of it. Once he ate the first two dozen, there was no stopping him. He was on the pig’s back then”. It is believed that the source did not have the intelligence to realise that he was making such an awful pun at the time.

The case of swine flu was isolated to Ballsgrove after a group of paranoid and deranged locals built a wall made from discarded washing machines and shopping trolleys around the local housing estate.

One local who did not want to be named for fear of reprisals from angry Bell-ites said, “You never think that something like this is going to happen idin deh towen. I was shocked. We’ve stockpiled all our drugs in case we get walled in too.” When the local was asked if he had received these drugs from the Department of Health, he stated that they were not in fact anti-swine flu medicines, but 8 kilos of Moroccan Black that he robbed from a walled-in dealer in Ballsgrove and that would tide him over until the infection dies down and the walls can be removed.