Angelina Jolie expands collection of foreign children and adopts Drogheda child

Angelina Jolie has decided to put Drogheda on the map by buying a child from the town with her equally rich husband Brad Pitt. Child-collecting has become a regular hobby for the idle-rich and famous of late but unlike fellow child-collector Gary Glitter, Jolie has been allowed to take hers home.
The 4 year old adopted Drogheda boy John-Paul Jolie-Pitt will be referred to in international media as “JPJP” and like the other members of her adoptive brood was not an orphan. He was found out playing on the street in an unnamed housing estate on the south side of the town that Angelina was touring as part of a UN mission in the area.

“He was so cute,” she said, “I knew the minute I saw him that I just had to take him home. There he was playing in the dirt, amusing himself, with the snots running out of him like a pair of church candles and I knew I just had to take him home and give him a better life. So I leapt out of my armoured vehicle even though the officer in charge told me not to, and ran to him. I had to re-enact some of my moves from Tomb-Raider and fight members of the RFC that were standing round comparing knives at the time. Then I offered JPJP’s parents a few quid and a bag of weed that I brought back from Ethiopia from the last time I went shopping for a child and that was it – a done deal. Obviously I’ll get a full refund if he’s genetically programmed to steal cars.”
When asked by a local person why she felt compelled to buy children rather than have her own, “To be perfectly honest with you, my fanny would be in fucking bits if I gave birth to that many children. Seriously, it’d be like throwing a saussie up the Boyne,” she laughed.